so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
