I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
