When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
