Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
