Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
