Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize