Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
