then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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