The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize