Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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