She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
