Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
