I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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