Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
