Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize