24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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