thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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