well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
