Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
