i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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