Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
