so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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