So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
