I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
