chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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