I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
