DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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