i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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