We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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