who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
