No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
