DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
