im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think i got beer on your cat.
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