dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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