my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
