how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
