But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
