I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
