You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
