I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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