Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize