I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize