i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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