What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
