i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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