It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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