i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
