gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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