he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
