When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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