ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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