I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
