My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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