Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize