brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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