That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
