Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
