whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize