The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
