Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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