it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
