He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
