I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
