I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
