What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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