yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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