maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
