I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
