You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
