what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
