cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize