After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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