I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
