Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
