I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had sex on a roof
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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