i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
