I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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