I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
