I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
