Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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