Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
