why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i think i just lost a toe
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
