She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
