Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
