I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
