my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
