I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
