so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
