Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize