I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
