i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well you can't waste a boner
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize