I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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