32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
