i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
