sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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