Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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