I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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