This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
