you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize