I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
