my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
