He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
