so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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