hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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