Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
