Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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