I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
