There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
