so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
