oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
